10 (free) gifts to give a new family in town

10 (free) gifts to give a new family in town

I've moved to 4 states, both as a single and married woman. While there is a monetary side to moving, I learned that the things money can't buy can be as valuable if not more. Here are the gifts you can give a new family (or person) in your community.

1 • Information • Moving is stressful for many reasons. The lack of knowing where to go to get things done is difficult. Most people don't blindly move somewhere. They do their research online. The moment you arrive in town, there is an immense information gap between locals and newcomers. Asking, "What do you need to know?" is a good way to start. I remember asking multiple questions about schools. I asked for service recommendations, among other things. Information is power and freedom when you are new in town.  

2 • Empathy • You don't have to understand to empathize. Empathy is a gift because you get to affirm the person where she is, as she is. Moving an entire life is difficult, and it is elating. It is stressful and depending on where you come from, it may be easy to do. Empathy does not judge or ask questions, but it stands firm in solidarity.

3 • A listening ear • I walked across the street during move number three, and I met an older woman who was a good listener. She asked me a simple question that unleashed a lot of what was trapped in my heart. She listened and she shook her head. She said, "It sounds like you are having a tough time." She didn't try to fix my problem. She gave me the rare gift of a listening ear. I saw many other people during that time. I experienced listening was channeled toward making a judgment. Some had a need to put me in a box. Listening can be a gift when the hearer listens without condemnation. I believe you don't have to understand to listen well. The gift of listening surfaces when we give attention to matters of the heart.

4 • Encouragement • Inserting courage into someone's life is one of the best gifts we can give. We can do it with words. We can do it by believing in them. Newcomers need a lot of encouragement because moving is not the end of the story. They need to make a life in this new place. They will face obstacles and challenges. Encouragement is like water in a parched land. You and I can offer it daily with our words.  

5 • Access to your friend group • If you consider the surrounding culture, this may be the most difficult thing to give. Some of us worked hard and long to build a friend group. How in the world are we supposed to give access to a new person? What if they mess up our perfect mix of people? If we consider life God's way, we will freely give newcomers access to our friend group. How so? God is generous. There is nothing stingy about the God of the Bible. He is also a giver. I believe I should be the same way. Giving newcomers access to our friend group can be as simple as introducing the new person to the best people we know. Introducing people is a joy. I know that if I work on my trust issues and I don't judge the new person through my past friendship hurts, I can see some awesome connections starting.

6 • Invitation to groups of interest • People arrive in town with a resume of groups of interest. As you listen, recommend local groups they can join. Joining groups can be a great way to feel connected to the community.

7 • Occasional check-ups • Feeling forgotten is one of the worst parts of moving. Checking on the newcomer and their family, fosters hope that the transition to the new community will pass. Checking on people can be quick yet beneficial. Realizing someone is thinking about you is a blessing.

8 • Room to Belong • The worst places to live are communities where you are legally allowed to be there but you can't belong. The simplest way to make room to belong is verbally telling people they are wanted and needed. I was at the end of a long run and a founding member of my running group enthusiastically told me, "I am so glad you are here! We need you! We need your ideas. We want this organization to grow and we need you to be an active part of it." I was happily surprised. This organization meant what they said. They literally made room for me to belong as a leader. In contrast, I've been part of groups where you are told in word and deed that you do not belong. There is always something wrong with the way you do things, along with the way you are. In that case, I was not trying to lead, I was just trying to be part of the group. Thankfully, I found room to belong with a smaller group of friends. Their gift of friendship, presence, and encouragement showed me that there was room in their hearts for me to be myself. I invite you to consider the ways you personally make room for new people to belong.

9 • Prayers • God hears and answers prayers. I find it imperative to pray for newcomers. I also let them know I am praying for them.

10 • Service • Newcomers may not need you to build a deck with them but it doesn't hurt to check how we can serve. Some want someone to talk to. I once needed a friend to hold my baby while I took a quick shower. 11 years later, I am still grateful for that act of service. Please remember that some won't tell you what they need unless you ask.

I pray that these gifts unleash increasing generosity and compassion towards hundreds of people who move to your community every month. 

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Summer Health Challenge

"A goal properly set is halfway reached." - Anonymous

Summer is the perfect time to set health goals. At least it is for me. The pace of life changes a little bit. Because the kids are not in school, my mornings are freer. It is easier to exercise outdoors during the summer. A variety of summer vegetables, herbs, and fruit are available this time of year. What's not to love about these benefits?

We all have been trying to invest in our health since the beginning of the year. How do we remain motivated or regain motivation? Summer health challenges are one to motivate yourself.

Here is how my challenge works:

• I set two behavior goals
• I also set a weight loss goal for the next two months

Then I start working on both of these things. Very simple. But let's dig deeper. 

I decided to ask myself, "Where do you want to be one month from now? How about two months from now?" I had a number in mind. I also know that numbers do not drive lasting change. Changing my behavior will for sure get me there. 

Because two months feel like a long time, consider the last 48 hours of my life (or 2 days). I was able to lose *0.4 lbs. How did that happen exactly?

• I saw a weight on the scale I didn't care for.
• I asked, "What do I want to achieve in two days?" 
• I reflected on which actions, would give me the results I wanted. Here are a few actions:

Action: Eat nutrient-dense foods
- Write a menu
- Go to grocery store
- Prep the food
- Pack the food
- Take the food to work
- Enjoy the food

Action: Drink 3,000 ML of water
- Take my 3,000 ML water bottle back to work
- Add mint to the bottle
- Add water to the bottle 
- Drink the water 

Action: Exercise **5 days
- Do laundry
- Separate 5 days' worth of gym clothes
- Set the alarm clock
- Sign up for the class in advance 
- Go to bed early

I am a believer that properly setting goals will always lead me to where I want to go. 

This challenge is not about perfection. It is about doing what I can (write down my food, drink all the water, etc.) with what I have. 

If you want to join me, please feel free! I want to know what your goal is and more importantly, what are the two actions you chose?

I will give you an update in 4 weeks and another one in 8 weeks. Here's to setting better goals as we achieve better things.

* weight fluctuates. This is not a formula. Consult your doctor before starting a weight management program and an exercise program. 

** I've been building the number of days I exercise for the past 15 years. Some people do more, others less. The key thing is to do what works for you.

*** This post is for entertainment purposes only. I'm not a medical or exercise professional. 

Related posts:
• The ultimate guide to weight loss
• How to drink more water during the day
• Discipline leads to freedom
• Seven weight loss lessons

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40-days of No Complaining Challenge

Recently I did a Facebook Live and I suddenly spoke about my failed attempt at a 40-day no-complaint challenge. I spoke about it on my podcast, you can hear it here. 

I noticed that when people are well, healthy, blessed, and stable, they still find reasons to complain. I know I'm guilty of that. I learned that not complaining was more difficult than practicing the spiritual discipline of fasting because the change needs to happen from the inside out. 

To make it plain and simple: if God doesn't do a work, I can't break that bad habit on my own. The people of God have been great at complaining. You can do a casual search and see that they complained in their tents. The Bible says that they complained against God. 

God takes complaints personally. When we exclude God out of what is really bothering us, we immediatly turn to the sin of complaining for relief.

You and I know that God doesn't have a problem with complaints. Otherwise, most of the Bible wouldn't be written as it is. People complained a lot in the old and new testament. We can identify two types of complaints: unfruitful and fruitful. 

The complaints in the tent, the murmuring in the desert, that's in the unfruitful category. Here's one in the fruitful complaint category:

"I pour out my complaint before Him; I declare before Him my trouble." Psalm 142:2

When David went to God in prayer, he was able to pour out his complaint before someone who can do something about his trouble.

I want to behave this way. Before I tell the internet, I go to God and I pour out my complaint before Him.  

"Do all things without complaining and disputing," Philippians 2:14 

Considering that you are safe, warm, you have food and health, I think that we have a lot to be grateful for. This verse of scriptures give us a great guideline for life. Do all things without complaining and disputing. 

The next verse says that when we do that we are children of God, in the midst of a perverse generation, shining as lights in the world. When I join the world in complaining, my light gets so dim, it goes out. There isn't a different between me and them. It's not about being Pollyanna about life. It is about being like our Savior. 

Jesus had it bad yet, He didn't complain. When He did spend time with His father, the content of his prayer was fruitful and legit. You and I are called to be just like Him. 

'Okay Cintia, what if someone makes me mad between now and Easter?' Here's what I'd challenge you and me to do: 

"bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do." Colossians 3:13

Let's do what Christ did and offer forgiveness. 

Friends, as I was researching this subject, I realized that being a complainer is one of the attributes of an ungodly person. See Jude 1:16. 

I want to be like Jesus. I don't want to be known to be a complainer. 

So, are you up to the challenge? Here is what I am suggesting:

1. Pray and ask God for forgiveness for being a complainer;

2. Ask Him to teach you how to live a life of Thanksgiving;

3. Read His book. Start with Psalm 142;

4. When you do have a complaint, ask yourself the following:

• What is the goal of my complaint? Is it to damage someone's reputation or is it to find a peaceful resolution?

• What is the estate of my heart as I complain? Do I need to forgive? Do I need counseling? Do I need to pray before talking to others about my issues?

• Will my complaint be fruitful? Do I need to learn more about the natural processes of life? Do I need to create a thankful heart instead of a complaining heart?

I can't want to hear what God does in us and through us during these next 6 weeks. You are in my prayers. 

Resource: 

• Professional Complainer blog post

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Marathon training: from friendliness to deep friendships

Marathon training season starts in a few weeks. This will be officially the first season I won't train with my old running group. 

Although I moved after last year's training season started, I went back for a few key runs. I also became a virtual head coach instead of an in-person coach. I guess I was ahead of my time, considering all of this COVID-19 stuff.

I finished what I started (thank God) and marathon number 6 was a wrap.

I decided to sign up for another marathon this Winter because I thought it would be a good goal to pursue. Before the official training starts, I am working on eliminating extra body weight.

I have run enough to know that the extra weight only impedes my progress. I don't want to be on weight loss mode all my life. I want to reach my goal and proceed to maintenance. I have a great chance to reach my weight loss goal and I will reach it before the end of the year.

Back to running. I'm glad I learned a lot about myself these past 6 marathons. I know how to run with a group and I know how to run alone. 

Both skills are very important. My thing is, I don't want to be stuck. I need to be able to adapt to my surroundings so I can reach my running goals. 

One time, the weather was awful and I ran 17 miles on a treadmill. I don't recommend it but that experience taught me to press on and accomplish my goal.

Running with a group is an acquired skill. The running community is generally friendly. The problem some people run into is turning that friendliness into deep friendships. Some runners remain acquaintances after decades of running together. Others develop deep friendships that last a lifetime. 

I don't think there is a secret to developing deep friendships with people. It all depends on the individual and where they are in life. I will write more about this in a later post. 

As a newcomer to a group, you will notice small groups in existence. Most groups are friendly and they do not mind you running with them. Some groups say they are friendly but they are really closed groups running in public. 

It doesn't take long for me to figure out these dynamics. I often ask myself, "should I try to belong to this group who clearly does not want me to be part of them or do I find another way?" 

That's when my skill of running solo or with a group comes in handy. I've had to do both and I'm okay with both. What I try not to do is to be hurt because a group or a person does not want me to run with them. 

Running doesn't discriminate but runners sometimes do. Reaching my running goals while cultivating a forgiving heart is better than getting frustrated with trying to belong to a closed running group.

I've learned to pray about everything, running included. My prayer is that God will lead me to the right people and vice-versa. When I focus on the vice-versa part of the equation, I feel better.

For example, I noticed a lot of people around me were trying to belong to the running community. I thought about my experiences as a runner and as a minority runner. I decided to be a safe space, an encouraging force to anyone who will receive me. I decided to act on this belief.

I verbalize the following: "I am glad you are here. You belong. You don't have to jump any hoops or do anything special to be part of us. You belong just as you are and we want you to feel you are part of us.  Here is my number if you ever need it."

This statement makes my heart's intentions crystal clear. I also find that instead of waiting for someone to do this for me, I can freely offer it to others.

Focusing on the positive is the best way to live and run.

This training season will be different. I dearly miss the familiarity of my old running group. Still, I will learn more about myself. I will bring all that I am to my upcoming training season.

Most runners I met in the past are great people. I met a lot of welcoming, genuine people. My share of bad experiences does not represent the overwhelming good I receive from the running community.

I am thankful for what was. I look forward to what will be. I am committed to being a force for God's goodness in my local running community. I want to be welcoming, encouraging and I want to see my friends reach their running goals.

Here's to a brand new long-distance running season. My heart is free, my whole being is ready to accomplish another marathon. 

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Resolve

"Life doesn't care that you set a goal. 

Life will give you obstacles. 

How you handle these obstacles 

is the key to making progress towards your goals." 

from my post "Don't give up"

The sound of a baby crying announces the arrival of a new life. Each time I heard my children use their vocal cords for the first time, I knew life was brand new for all of us. 

The sound of fireworks always announce the arrival of a new year. No matter if I'm in the States or in Brazil, that sound reminds me of the new opportunity ahead. Life can be brand new. 

We make preparations for this new year. Some choose a word for the year. Others, like myself, set goals. Many follow new year rituals that will hopefully bring them luck and riches. 

I wish life cared about all these things I just mentioned. Life doesn't care that you set a goal. Life simply gives you obstacles. How you handle these obstacles is the key to making progress towards reaching your goals. 

You need more than a goal in hand this year. You need to have resolve. Resolve is the result you get when your courage is tested. If you pass this test, you will gain wisdom. 

I have been setting goals for many years. Each time, my courage has been tested. It seems as if life tells me "oh you have a goal? How cute. Let's see how bad you want to accomplish your goal." As I face each barrier, I become a student of myself. 

I don't take my defeats as final but as grounds for growth. I tell myself, "if you can learn, you can grow." 

Resolve is the result you get when your courage is tested. If you pass the test, you gain wisdom. 

This year, you will face obstacles. I don't want you to be surprised by them. I have learned to list obstacles that will most likely stop me from reaching my goals. Once I list those obstacles, I write down  a list of ways to overcome those obstacles. 

What about the unexpected obstacles that come our way? We trust God to infuse us with grace to face each one. He is a very present help in times of trouble. God is for us, no matter what we face. 

As you enjoy this new year God is giving you, remember there are new opportunities ahead. Only those with resolve will be able to face difficulties and reach their goals. 

Resolve is the result you get when your courage is tested. You will pass your test. You will gain wisdom.

Related Podcasts:
• New Year New Goals
• Ten Ideas to navigate a difficult year
• How to discern your priorities for the new year (includes a free handout)
• Reach your goals with these 3 questions

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Marathon Training: Week 9-12

The first my family had a major move, I was dreaming of running my first marathon. I would accomplish that dream a few years later, thanks to the support of my beloved running group.

As I get closer to marathon number 6 (I know, it's hard to believe I crossed that many finish lines), I am in the middle of a major move.

Moving is not easy, yet, I can say thanks to it, I am quite the self-elected expert on transitions. As the main expert on my own life, I know that I need to connect in order to thrive.

Let's be honest, I could train by myself, but I choose not to. Enter the local running club. The greatest solution to my training challenge!

I'm not sure if you were a reader back then, but I have found running clubs in other places. Here I am running in Memphis and in North Mississippi.

I also wrote a helpful post called "5 tips for running on vacation" where I teach you how to safely run with or without people.

I decided to connect with the runners in Longview sooner than later. I attempted to run with them a month ago, but I had a bad night of sleep. Last weekend, I was in town so I joined them for a run. I was scheduled to run 7 miles but their club had an 8-mile loop. I took on the challenge and showed up a little before call time.

I was warmly welcomed. I made sure I connected with them online before actually showing up so they would know I was coming. The run was challenging but the camaraderie I felt made the miles feel easy.

Friends, East Texas is hilly. There are no hills around our current neck of the woods so, I just took on those suckers and kept going. Yep, I used my usual tactics. I usually make fun of something and I'm overly positive. I also told myself, "I eat hills like candy" although I don't like either. Anyway, I enjoyed the run because I basically took a tour of the town with the best tour guides ever. I really got a better understanding of the culture and I am so thankful for the hospitality I received.

What happens to my beloved local running club? I'll be back for a few runs. I will continue to encourage and cheer on as I need the very same thing from my friends.

Running has been a life-saver during this process. I find that having a goal for the season gives me an outlet. I can focus on my running goals instead of being completely overwhelmed with change.

So far, I'm hitting my time goals pretty well. My nutrition and hydration goals are also going well. The greatest challenge I currently face is cross-training. My gym membership ran out, which means I'm 100% responsible for training on my own. I have a workout plan and the willingness to do that. As soon as I sign up for another gym, I will be lifting weights again and strengthening my lower body with the help of the machines.

Oh, I will also need to find a sports massage place in the new hometown. So many new things. One day at a time, right? For now, I will enjoy running with my beloved running club.

My goal is to enjoy the run and the people. I will try not to think about how much I'll miss them because when I think of sad things during a run I hyperventilate - ain't nobody got time for that! I will think about our funny moments and how much I will enjoy seeing everyone on marathon morning.

Change is inevitable and what we do with it makes us resilient.

More on this series:
• Weeks 1-3
• Weeks 4-8

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My Morning Routine

I love mornings.
They represent new beginnings.
As a teenager, I would wake up and think, "I have a new chance to succeed." My habits made those chances worth pursuing.
As a wife and mother, I am productive in the morning.
I accomplish a lot in the early hours. My morning routine is not about a list of things I do but specific habits that lead to success.

Instead of thinking of routine as a series of robotic activities, I think of the habits that propel me towards a happier day. Here they are:

Habit 1 • Phone Downtime. The digital age has given us quite a bit of control of our uncontrolled urge to check our phones all the time. A great solution to this problem is to utilize the "downtime" setting of my iPhone. This setting locks almost all my Apps from 9 p.m. to 7 a.m. The only things not clocked are my Bible App and my camera. The act of not checking my phone when I wake up helps me to be more purposeful, peaceful and productive.

Habit 2 • Rest. The fuel to the best morning routines is resting well the night A good morning requires a restful night. Rest is the most underutilized productivity tool. After a night of rest, I feel refreshed and ready to be productive.

Habit 3 • Prepare. It's been said that "by failing to prepare you are preparing to fail." I prepare everything I need the night before. I set aside my running clothes, shoes and I make sure the coffee maker is ready to go. I also pack any lunches the kids need the night before. Preparation makes my morning routine easier. I can simply sit with my Bible and coffee knowing that everything I need to do later is already ready to go.

Habit 4 • Focus. Distraction is the chief thief of productivity. I've had days when I wake up early and I waste precious minutes by browsing the internet mindlessly. Focusing on my actual routine is very important. When I wake up, I get dressed, I wash my face, brush my teeth and I get the coffee maker started. I get on my knees and pray for a while. Then I read my Bible. After that, it's time to go for a run. I only have a set amount of time to do all of that, so focusing on starting and finishing each activity on time is very important. Decide what you want to do and focus on each activity.

Please know that these suggestions might not work for you. I also need to tell you that I'm very much a work in progress. Every now and then I need to recalibrate and do these very things anew.

Other tips:

• Keep your phone out of reach. Put it in a room adjacent to yours. You will sleep better, and if you need to hear the alarm, you'll get up to turn it off. I always remind myself that I am not an E.R. doctor on call. I can live without my phone if need be. Remember, technology is a great servant but a terrible master.

• Plan for Downtime - When my phone is about to shut down, it gives me a 5-minute warning. It is a mental reminder that I need to go to bed. My phone is not part of my bedtime routine, so I need a plan for my own downtime. Will I read a book? Will I join my husband and watch a show? Will I prep for the next morning? Planning ahead is a great way to succeed.

I would love to hear about some ways you keep your morning routine popping.

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The Compound Motivation Concept

If you are at a place where you know you need to change but you wish you had someone to tag along with you, you are not alone. You want to start walking and you wish you had a walking buddy.

You want to lose weight and you wish you had a weight loss buddy.

You want to start or grow your business and you wish you part of a Mastermind.

The problem is, you can’t find anyone around you. What to do?

Well, I’ve been there. I have been the person who wanted to partake in all the things I listed. Although I was surrounded by a community of runners 11 years ago, I could not find a buddy to run with me. I needed to lose weight and I could not find someone to encourage me along the way.

This is the point a lot of people quit. They think the outside motivation is everything they need to succeed. I’m here to tell you that practicing my compound motivation concept is a good idea. What in the world is the "compound motivation concept?" It is the piecing together of the outside resources you need to encourage you to reach your goal.

When I started running 11 years ago, I did not have a running group. I practiced compound motivation by finding motivation in the online community through my blog as well as through other runners I saw on race day. Once my family and I moved to Texas, I was able to join a local running group where I could find other runners. I no longer need to compound motivation, but when I did, it was the perfect solution for me.

You can apply the compound motivation to other areas of life such as mentoring. What I lacked in a running group, I had abundance when it came to mentors. It was the North Carolina years. My mentors and I kept in touch, visited each other often too. I really miss those days. Moving to Texas meant starting from zero. Mentoring relationships are not the easiest to find. I decided to put myself out there and try to find mentors I could see face-to-face. It took time and investment. I consider my early visits to my Christian counselor as compound motivation. She’s an older lady who has lived her life for Christ and was giving me the guidance I needed. After a few years, God brought the mentors I was looking for to my life. I am grateful. I hear that some women mentor long-distance. If you live in a small town and a real person is not available, I say, go for the tech option until you find someone you can see face-to-face.

My business goal is to connect with a Mastermind. I tried to get connected with one but the connection did not work. I am slowly walking into a season of life where I can see this happening easily. I am currently finding compound motivation in reading books and actively taking advice from business coaches.

If you have a goal but you wish you had someone to encourage you on your way, give this compound motivation concept a try. It has worked for me and I know it will work for you.

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70 Days

70 out of 365. This is how long we have left in the year 2018. The natural question is, what have I done? The real question is: what can we accomplish in 70 days? 

Take a good look at the following areas:

• Your goals - this is a good time to reassess them and make steps towards closing the year strong. I will admit that looking at the goals I set in January make me uneasy. I quickly get over those feelings because the only way to make progress is to start from where you are. I encourage you to take small steps. I am here to remind you that one year from now, you will be so glad you decided to persist. 

• Your schedule - the major holidays are coming soon. Take an honest look at your schedule from last year. If you felt like you needed a hospital stay in order to recover, you may need to change your commitments for this year. Think about how you want to feel this holiday season. Your schedule has a lot to do with your well-being. You can't attend and host every get-together and feel well. Be honest with yourself. Prioritize your family and your health. "No" is a complete sentence you can use it often.  

• Your family - how can you invest in your family in the next 70 days? Let's be honest: when it comes down to eternity, you are forever connected with the family God gave you. We are all in different seasons of family life. Every family member can use encouragement. Don't wait until the holiday season to exchange pleasantries with difficult relatives. Forgive now and pray for God's best. If you have small kids and volunteer responsibilities are stealing your time with them, reconsider your commitments. 

• Your faith - there is a natural aspect to our faith journey. God encourages us to seek Him. It is up to us to pray, read our Bibles and practice other spiritual disciplines. Don't wait until everyone decides in January that it is appropriate to fast. Don't wait until one of your friends starts a Bible study. Decide to take responsibility for your own faith journey. 

Don't complicate your schedule for the next 70 days. Time is going to pass anyway. You can't control time but you can control yourself. Take a good look at your goals, schedule, family, and faith. I believe you will accomplish a lot of worthy things as you finish 2018.  

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Back in the Counselor's Office

“Cintia, I haven’t seen you in a long time.”
“I know, I think it’s been two or three years.”

I proceed to tell my Christian counselor everything I’ve been up to.
Time stops for a little while and I have a chance to rethink where I am based on where I came from.

If you are a long time reader, you know that I am not shy in saying that I get Christian counseling when I need it. I try to go often unless I don’t have insurance - which happened last summer. In that case, God provided me with all the support I needed to get through that tough season of joblessness.

The day I went back to the counselor’s office I got there too early. I had one hour to invest, so I invested in myself. I sat in a small coffee shop and I drank pu’er tea. I edited photos from earlier in the day, guilt-free. No one needed my attention and I could do whatever I pleased. I wasn’t nervous about the session, I was just ready to get there.

After a while, I got up and drove back to the counselor’s office. I noticed the people sitting in the waiting area. I’ve done this long enough to know there are a multitude of emotions going on in that room. I admire everyone’s bravery for showing up. Sometimes, making those appointments and keeping them is hard to do. There we were, ready to see the counselor.

My name is called so it is my turn.
She is still in the same room. That feeling of peace is still there and her decoration seems familiar.

After I tell her everything I’m up to, I make an effort to listen with my heart.
I used to take notes. This time, I told myself that my heart and mind would remind me of what’s really important. I took mental notes and I told myself I’d transfer them to paper at some point.

I used to have a laundry list of issues for the counselor to hear. This time, I let the Spirit of God take the lead. I decided I’d hear what He wanted me to hear and I’d say what felt most natural. I very much enjoy this rhythm. I might keep it doing things this way.

I realize that I’ve been through a lot and it is okay to feel my feelings. I am amazed that God was present and He still wants to heal me. I’m thankful for His love and His plan for my ordinary life.

Friend, I don’t know if you are a person who goes to Christian counselors’ offices. I wanted to share my experience in hopes that you see that it is normal and helpful to go. The simple act of taking time to talk to someone about my life has given me the opportunity to live a healthier inner life.

My stress level went down after my visit. I also was able to find healing from some hurts I experienced 20 years ago. I had no idea the hurt was still there. Thank God He cares.

Christ makes it all possible. I hope you will consider letting Him heal your inner being.

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Don't speak out of your wound, speak out of your wisdom

People are always looking for peace. They just don't know it.

I look for peace when life gets out of wack. The unexpected illness shows up. The friendship turns toxic. Family harmony turns to family hate. Life has a way of mixing all the pieces we carefully put together.

When such moments happen, we have the tendency of using our mouths. My advice is, "don't speak out of your wound, speak out of your wisdom." If you haven't arrived at wisdom yet, do yourself a favor and cultivate quietness until peace comes.

You and I probably spent a lot of time reading/watching/listening to people speaking out of their wound on social media and in real life. Here is what I do. If it is a close friend who will be able to receive advice, I discretely tell them they might want to reconsider their wounded words.

This habit of speaking out of your wound has become acceptable because it has earned the title of "real (add profanity here)." Somehow, watching people bleed while doing absolutely nothing to help them, has become an admirable character trait.

I went to a hospital today and I can tell you exactly what they would recommend if someone was bleeding. The first step is to stop the bleeding. The second step is to treat the cause of the bleeding so the person can heal.

We don't behave this way online. We have accepted the internet as the primary place to bleed (or vomit) while many applaud it without questioning the health of the wounded person.

What happens when the person speaking out of their wound is the one reading my words? The first step is to recognize you developed such habit. You need help. I am not implying that one should be fake online. I am advocating for wisdom to arise out of the deep hurts we all experience. If it can't help, it shouldn't be said. A close friend, a counselor might be a better audience for such words. There are always proper places for our words. Wisdom comes when we can discern where those places are.

Please don't think that you shouldn't say what you feel. My friend, you certainly can. Feelings were given to us for a good reason. I believe that sharing wisdom is more effective than sharing the wound only.

Let's get real (without the cuss words). I know that this post will not turn the internet into a wisdom-only place. Darkness will always be out there. The truth of Jesus compels me to believe that darkness will not overcome His light. We can all make a difference if we change our behavior. How do we do that?

We can use silence when the pain is working its way through our being. We can all take a break from  shiny screens so we can focus on the lessons learned out of pain. We can reach out to a person, in real life, that can benefit from our story.

If you are looking for peace tonight, be sure you take the time to find it. Reach out to a good friend. Turn off your screens for a while. Turn on your heart and know that God can redeem, restore and renew. Let's get to wisdom.

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How I'm Finding Peace in Today's World

"He must seek peace and pursue it, because the eyes of the Lord 

are on the righteous and His ears are open to their request." 

1 Peter 3:11-12 (HCSB)

Each new season of life, I am mysteriously presented with the option to either hold on to peace or let go completely. As a new set of challenges freshly arrive on the desk of my existence, I can hold on to inner turmoil or I can choose peace. 

This is the part of the Sunday School lesson where most people say "oh, this peace stuff is easier said then done." I have to disagree. I find it more difficult to live with less than what God has for me. Here's how I see it: each day when I wake up, I can spread turmoil everywhere I go of I can transmit peace. I can't give what I don't have so I seek peace. 

I start by getting a good dose of the Prince of Peace Himself: Jesus. One of His names is the Word. The Word of God can be found in the Bible. Jesus Himself was knowledgeable of God's Word. Remember how he dealt with the Devil on Matthew 4:4? He quote Scriptures often and He knew what it was there. God's plan is all over Scripture and I find peace as I get a good dose of it each and every day. 

My problems are still very present in my life. So is God's Word but I have to seek it and pursue it in order for God's Word to take hold of me. This is the number one way I can hold on to peace in this present day. 

In case you are wondering, it is supposed to look foolish to others. How can the simple act of opening one's Bible and reading it restore peace, quietness and contentment to the soul? It worked for many before me. It worked for my grandparents who lived through perilous times and are now present with the Lord. It worked for Daniel (the guy from the Bible). It worked for his 3 exiled friends. It worked for Jesus Himself so it will work for you and I. 

I don't know if like me, you feel like you have a pile of turmoil on the desk of your existence. The way to move that over is to choose to have a face-to-face encounter with God's Word each day, looking for God's peace to fill your heart and mind.

• I recommend starting with a Book of the Bible you are interested in. If you are completely open, start with Proverbs or Matthew, Mark, Luke or John. 

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Fall Traditions that engage the soul and the senses

I didn't grow up in a culture that celebrated the Fall but I am glad that God has blessed me with such thing as Autumn in America. The Fall is one of our favorite seasons and we decided to engage the soul as well as the senses of our family as we celebrate. 

The Senses 

• While we won't feel the crispiness of the air for quite a long time (in Texas is either hot or hotter), we can engage our senses in other ways. Visually, I decorate our home for the season. I basically put up the same decor I save from year to year. I have a wooden pumpkin hanging in my front door that says "give thanks." I also have some colorful flowers and a few pumpkins outside our door inside a wooden wagon. Any guest that comes in can be greeted with those warm Fall colors. I bought a banner for our living room mantle and I spread small decorations in our living room and kitchen. We practice self-control by waiting till the Fall to burn Pumpkin scented candles. It's hard but when the calendar turns, we are immediately filling the house with that wonderful smell.

We also bake my husband's award winning cake and favorite Fall dessert which we call "pumpkin surprise."The cake is super moist and it has pumpkin and heath bar in it. It tastes better than you can imagine!

I don't have an audio tradition for the Fall but this year we are listening to new music my husband has written and several Gospel artists have released. I'll talk about that on another post. 

Every Fall we also take a trip to a local pumpkin patch. Sometimes we buy pumpkins, most of the time we just go to have fun. I used to get our Christmas photo done that day but now I get it when I can. The kids enjoy looking at fields of pumpkins, taking a bumpy hay ride and just playing for a while. We all come home feeling joyful. 

The Soul

• We take our souls very seriously around here. This Fall season we are reminder to 'bless the Lord o my soul and forget not His benefits... (Psalm 103)." We take advantage of the newness of Fall to be quite specific about our reasons for thankfulness. It is wise to be thankful year round but most people wait until November (I know you don't do that my friend!). Our family has learned to verbally express our gratitude on a daily basis. The more specific, the better.

When we had tiny little toddlers, the questions my peers and I had was how to raise thankful kids. I wrote a short post about that. I have learned that teaching thankfulness is quite the organic, fluid matter. It is first of all modeled on a daily basis. It also comes from the heart and by the time it makes it to the lips, God knows if we are being honest. 

Friend, I also have to tell you that celebrating the Fall as an adult has nothing to do with external circumstances. I wish I could tell you how many difficult Autumns (and Springs and Summers) I've had. I often celebrate a new season by faith. You heard it right. Two years ago, the issue before me was to learn contentment in every circumstance. When things get really tough, I think about the brilliance of God's wisdom when He created seasons. They come and they go. Just because I'm having a hard time, it doesn't mean it will be always like this. That's what I mean by celebrating the change of the seasons by faith. The same God who created Autumn is in control of my life. He is sovereign, He sees me and He cares. That's enough reason for me to be thankful!

I want my family traditions to reflect God's goodness and majesty. It might be hard to see that on a trip to the pumpkin patch but when the kids are grown and gone, I hope they will remember to thank God and to celebrate His genius when He created Fall. 

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5 Time Saving Habits

You and I, Oprah and the Facebook guy all have 24 hours in our day. The difference between us is not the number of assistants we have (ha!) but how we personally use those 24 hours. I want to encourage you with 5 time saving habits I use in order to be more productive.

1 • Choose 2 Social Media Platforms - Instead of wasting time checking 10 social media accounts, log off 8 and stick with 2. Which ones? The ones that give you the best results. I learned this the hard way. I was super sad one day because no one was responding to my latest video on a certain platform and I remember that my friends were all on Facebook. Once I switched to doing videos there, I was able to get much better results. By choosing to stick with two, I immediately save time and my social media efforts have given me better results.

2 • Reset your Goals - September is the new January. It is time to plan how you will accomplish your goals. There are a lot of projects that can be accomplished by December 31 if you start now. The key is not to get depressed about your previous lack of action but to remember the possibilities you have to make progress towards your goals. Resetting your goals give you margin. Margin is basically boundaries. When you respect your boundaries you save lot of time.

3 • Finish what you start - No one enjoys the sight of a home (or office) full of unfinished projects. Get in the habit of finishing what you started. The other day I tried my best to avoid a laundry room full of unfinished projects. I decided to finished what I started and things improved drastically there. This week I started to draft the first 3 chapters of a book I plan to pitch to an agent. As I finish this project I started I will be free to pursue other goals. Friend, I find that tricking myself to complete tasks is the way to go. I time myself and basically convince my mind that it won't take that long. Knowing what motivates you is the key to finishing what you started.

4 • Renegotiate your Fall Schedule - Every major (and minor) TV Network has a Fall schedule full of shows we cannot miss. By committing to old and new shows you might be locking between 6-15 productive hours to advertisers. I'm not saying you shouldn't watch TV, I am saying, look at your Fall schedule and notice who has most of your off-work hours. Renegotiate your volunteering commitments. If its not Focused Volunteering, forget it. Focusing Volunteering is the act of using your skill set and time limitations to make the greatest impact in your organization of choice. Look at your Fall schedule now and decide how you can best use your off-work time. Also, remember that you are the only person who can change your schedule because you set it in the first place.

5 • Rest, the secret weapon - Rest is the most underutilized productivity hack. If you get enough rest, you will be more productive. If you need research on the topic, the internet can help you. If you need a real person's account, I'm your girl. Getting enough rest at night helped me overcome one of the most stressful years of my life. Because I chose to rest, my brain was able to have much needed clarity. I also felt more empathy for difficult people in my life. It was during that year that I created my 45-minute organization strategy. This strategy has helped stay organized for the last 2 years. Rest is important and it is a mandate by the God who created us. It is not a sign of weakness but a tool in order to live a more fulfilling life.

• What are your time saving habits?

Related Posts:
• September is the New January

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