Sunday Seven

“Do not follow where the path may lead.
Go instead where there is no path
and leave a trail” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Traveling with family is inspiring and practical. It is difficult and easy. Here are my latest learnings.

1 • We train our kids for traveling before we traveled. We prepare with flexibility in mind. We are open to possibilities. We befriend patience. We use humor and encouragement. 

2 • Less is more. I've been cultivating the art of packing effectively over the past 31 years. The kids were able to apply some of my learnings. We succeeded, even when we had to add 2 extra days to our trip.

3 • Traveling as a family is taking our systems and rhythms on the road. We don't push hard. We find the balance between 5 people. I am learning that when we work as a unit, everyone benefits.

4 • The joy of experiencing new things is the best. We all learned so much during our time away. Seeing the joy in everyone's eyes and hearing it in their voices is one of my favorite things about traveling.

5 • We make our choices and our choices inform the life we live. We also believe in thinking about our choices. The things we learn will inform the next trip we take.

6 • We talked about gratitude to God a lot during our trip. We encourage gratitude in our family. We also told the kids why we were grateful for a particular blessing. Teaching what we want to see needs to be purposeful.

7 • Our time away ended with a sense of joy and awe. God was great and kind to us. We truly appreciate His presence with us during this trip. 

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Stress management techniques

Listen to this episode here:

For years, chewing was how I managed stress. I never thought I would find tools to manage stress outside of food but I did. The day it happened was right after lunch. I was in the middle of the most stressful situation I am yet to experience as a professional. 

Everything happened fast and I had to act. There was no food around. All I had was a bottle of water. So I drank it. I faced the source of my stress. When it was all over, it felt like I woke up from a nightmare. My face felt like a bunch of people hit it really hard. My heart was steadfast although hurt. My soul was going to be okay.

When I think about that day, I noticed that I went through everything without the help of food. I was surprised I had that ability. What a discovery!

That awful day gave me the confidence that I can manage stress without food. Ever since then, I decided to add to the list of stress management techniques. Here are some stress management techniques that work for me.

Please know that my goal is to tell you to try the ones that work for you. I also want to tell you that people out there are biased towards certain techniques. If what other people are pushing does not work for you, keep trying the techniques that will give you the freedom you need.

• Prayer - I often start with prayer because God hears and answers. There are a lot of Scriptures about praying during stressful times. Philippians 4:6-7 is a good one: "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

• Bible Reading - My mind lines up with God's words when I read my Bible. My perspective changes. My spirit is encouraged and my stress really decreases. 

• Books - I remember being so stressed one day and telling myself 'go to the public library.' The fact of being surrounded by books was encouraging. I found a few new books to read. I felt relaxed as I learned new things.  

• Journaling - This is my go-to technique for times of stress. I simply write whatever comes to my mind. I often use journaling to empty my heart of worry. I list the things that are concerning me. It is easier to be more factual about the source of my stress after I journal. 

• Question - I recently learned to ask questions when I feel stressed. I simply say "oh, I feel stressed. I wonder why I feel this way." Once I figure out the why, I can conscientiously find a solution. If the "why" is out of my control, I look for smart ways to find a solution for the stress.

• Crochet - I learned to crochet as a child. I worked on it when I was so stressed out, I was not functioning really well. The counting, the repetitive movement proved soothing. Having a final project was nice too. It did look like a kid worked on it but who cares, my stress was gone.  

• Exercise - Regular exercise is a stress reducer. I firmly believe that when you are stressed, you shouldn't shy away from exercise.  Exercise clears my mind and helps me to get ready for whatever the day has to offer. There are multiple sources of research that prove that exercise is a great solution to combat stress. 

• Go for a walk - I heard someone say that God gave us joints so we can move our bodies. Walking is a natural way we can move our bodies and manage stress. I am not saying you need to walk across America. Even if you decide to walk outside and take a deep breath, you will be free from some of what's weighing on you. Start small and add to your steps. Find a new place or a familiar path. Whatever you do, just walk. 

• Talk to a friend - Friendship is God's way to help us manage stress. The simple act of sitting down and talking to a friend adds a lot of joy to our days. I can't tell you how many times I would be so stressed in the morning. By the time I came back from seeing a friend, the stress was completely gone. You don't have to talk about what's bothering you if you don't want to. You do have to show up and talk.  

• Go to counseling - Counseling is a great way to discover tools for healthy living. Every time I go, listen and do the work, I rise stronger and better. 

• Take deep breaths - This was the first stress management strategy my father ever taught me. It works. There's nothing weird about it. You just take a few deep breaths and keep going. 

• Rest - When you are already busy, how do you get more rest? Start small by incrementally adding 15 minutes to the hours you sleep at night. Instead of browsing mindlessly, mindfully taking 15 minutes to take a screen break. Rest is inner wealth and power. A rested mind can make better decisions during stressful seasons. 

• Watch a comedy - Laughter is great medicine during times of stress. I purposefully add laughter to stressful days. It may be a new comedy or something old that delights my heart. Stress is a malady, laughing helps.

• Picnics - The kids and I created the habit of having picnics. We go to a park, sit and eat a few snacks. Sometimes we walk. The kids may go to the playground. Whatever is stressing me out may follow me to a picnic at the park but never stays long.

• Music - I recently learned to create different song lists. I have one for running. Another for Christmas time. I even have one for times I need motivation. Think about uplifting music. Organize it in a song list so you can play it when your heart needs some comfort in the form of melody and lyrics. 

• Bake for others - Every time I share baked goods with others, my heart gets so uplifted. If I need to do something about others, baking is often a good choice. Baking for others often brings a smile to their faces. I sometimes take baked goods to a group of people. Baking is a way of showing others we care. Stress disappears when I bake, which is lovely.

• Learn a foreign language - My brain takes a break from stressing when I learn a foreign language. I'm not sure if you thought about this as a stress management tool but it works for me.

• Practice Gratitude - Steve Harvey said that gratitude is one of the most overlooked and key principles to success. I successfully use gratitude to manage stress. While I am not grateful for the source of my stress, I am grateful for so many things in my life. Expressing gratitude is an unexpected way to manage stress. 

There are more techniques I could share but I encourage you to start your own list. I am thankful that chewing is no longer the only item on mine. 

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Housekeeping over the years

Housekeeping drove me crazy over the years. I knew homes need to be clean. I've never been the person to love that chore. In College, I learned that Saturday was the best day to clean my room. I did not have a roommate, so I cleaned the place for myself. I also washed my clothes on Saturdays after my break from work. 

When I graduated, I shared a duplex with a roommate. She was there first, so the rules were: no dishes in the sink overnight, and we each clean the entire place (except for the other's room) the other month. 

When I graduated, I lived in a tiny little place. 6 months later I was married to the love of my life and I guess that's when I officially become responsible for the housekeeping of an entire family. 

Before the kids were born, it was tough. My major problem was with paperwork. One weekend, I decided to organize everything, one hour at a time. I even wrote about it. I called "the power of one hour." Here is a before and after photo of my results. 

Organizing that paperwork gave me encouragement to know that I could conquer that major issue with clutter. What I didn't know then was that cleaning and organizing a home takes time and effort. 

Sometimes, you just don't have a lot of time. But things need to be done anyway. I remember starting a new job in my now new hometown. While I was job searching, I spent time cleaning, organizing things, cooking, taking care of the family, and volunteering at church. Once I started working full-time, I had little time for cleaning. I needed to clean anyway. 

I learned to prioritize my projects. I knew from past experience that when everything is chaotic, I need to start with laundry and food. That's how you go from overwhelmed to organized. I did that a lot. When I was chronically busy, I made sure there was food on the table and the laundry was done. These two simple chores helped me to properly care for the family, myself, and make progress with everything else I had going on.

I learned that sometimes, you just do not have time to invest in organizing things. I wrote a blog post with creative ways to organize your home. I used one of the strategies last week. A few weeks ago, I had a few service people at our house often. I had 3 clothes hampers filled with clothes day after day outside of our laundry room. I decided that the service people did not need to see those hampers week after week so, I decided to store them in the linen closet. I  used the strategies of "hide some stuff" and "ignore it until you can do something about it." Hiding made the space look cleaner. Ignoring the issue helped me wait until I had time to take care of the problem.

Well, I had some extra time last week and I was able to completely take care of those 3 clothes hampers. 

A second issue I had was the thought that if I only had help, housekeeping will be easier. I've had seasons when I was doing everything by myself as a stay-at-home mom. I've had occasional help as a SAHM. I also had seasons when I was working full-time and cleaning full-time. I also know what it means to work full time and have the help of a housekeeper. Housekeeping never got easier: I got smarter. 

I found smart solutions, whether I had help or not. I made peace with repeating those strategies over and over again. I also learned to teach those strategies to the kids. Their help has made a world of difference. 

Housekeeping used to drive me crazy. I have learned which strategies I need to succeed. 

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Marathon training: from friendliness to deep friendships

Marathon training season starts in a few weeks. This will be officially the first season I won't train with my old running group. 

Although I moved after last year's training season started, I went back for a few key runs. I also became a virtual head coach instead of an in-person coach. I guess I was ahead of my time, considering all of this COVID-19 stuff.

I finished what I started (thank God) and marathon number 6 was a wrap.

I decided to sign up for another marathon this Winter because I thought it would be a good goal to pursue. Before the official training starts, I am working on eliminating extra body weight.

I have run enough to know that the extra weight only impedes my progress. I don't want to be on weight loss mode all my life. I want to reach my goal and proceed to maintenance. I have a great chance to reach my weight loss goal and I will reach it before the end of the year.

Back to running. I'm glad I learned a lot about myself these past 6 marathons. I know how to run with a group and I know how to run alone. 

Both skills are very important. My thing is, I don't want to be stuck. I need to be able to adapt to my surroundings so I can reach my running goals. 

One time, the weather was awful and I ran 17 miles on a treadmill. I don't recommend it but that experience taught me to press on and accomplish my goal.

Running with a group is an acquired skill. The running community is generally friendly. The problem some people run into is turning that friendliness into deep friendships. Some runners remain acquaintances after decades of running together. Others develop deep friendships that last a lifetime. 

I don't think there is a secret to developing deep friendships with people. It all depends on the individual and where they are in life. I will write more about this in a later post. 

As a newcomer to a group, you will notice small groups in existence. Most groups are friendly and they do not mind you running with them. Some groups say they are friendly but they are really closed groups running in public. 

It doesn't take long for me to figure out these dynamics. I often ask myself, "should I try to belong to this group who clearly does not want me to be part of them or do I find another way?" 

That's when my skill of running solo or with a group comes in handy. I've had to do both and I'm okay with both. What I try not to do is to be hurt because a group or a person does not want me to run with them. 

Running doesn't discriminate but runners sometimes do. Reaching my running goals while cultivating a forgiving heart is better than getting frustrated with trying to belong to a closed running group.

I've learned to pray about everything, running included. My prayer is that God will lead me to the right people and vice-versa. When I focus on the vice-versa part of the equation, I feel better.

For example, I noticed a lot of people around me were trying to belong to the running community. I thought about my experiences as a runner and as a minority runner. I decided to be a safe space, an encouraging force to anyone who will receive me. I decided to act on this belief.

I verbalize the following: "I am glad you are here. You belong. You don't have to jump any hoops or do anything special to be part of us. You belong just as you are and we want you to feel you are part of us.  Here is my number if you ever need it."

This statement makes my heart's intentions crystal clear. I also find that instead of waiting for someone to do this for me, I can freely offer it to others.

Focusing on the positive is the best way to live and run.

This training season will be different. I dearly miss the familiarity of my old running group. Still, I will learn more about myself. I will bring all that I am to my upcoming training season.

Most runners I met in the past are great people. I met a lot of welcoming, genuine people. My share of bad experiences does not represent the overwhelming good I receive from the running community.

I am thankful for what was. I look forward to what will be. I am committed to being a force for God's goodness in my local running community. I want to be welcoming, encouraging and I want to see my friends reach their running goals.

Here's to a brand new long-distance running season. My heart is free, my whole being is ready to accomplish another marathon. 

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How to Number our Days

I loved going to weekday women's meeting at my church growing up. My grandmothers were always  present, armed with their Bible and a Methodist Hymnal.

When we finished the meeting, every woman, girl, and boy in the room sang the motto of the women's society as loud as our lungs would allow us. It went like this:

"E seja sobre nós 

A graça do Senhor 

E confirma sim confirma

A obra das nossas mãos

Amém!" 

The translation is:

"Be upon us 

the grace of the Lord 

and establish 

Yes establish

The work of our hands

Amen!" 

Now, how smart is it for a group of women to dismiss their meeting with such powerful prayer? I thank God for the women who raised me. 

After we said our goodbyes, people moved on with the business of life. They moved on only after they asked God's blessing over the work of their hands. 

Have you ever thought about asking God to bless the work you do?

Enter life pre-COVID. Most women my age were busy working and volunteering (or they were busy complaining about all the stuff they signed up to do). 

Every year the same thing happened. People voluntarily signed up to do everything under the sun. At the end of the school year, there were parties, banquets, appreciations, etc. 

We forget that we are the masters of our schedules, not the other way around. 

We also forget that God is the master of our lives. He is well able to lead us towards the things we truly need to do. 

The truth is, we can't do everything.

Perception is everything in America. We all know that one of the ways to look successful is to sign up for a bunch of stuff and actually preside over the organizations that will give us more clout. 

Some women end up hating their own lives because they can't say no. I wonder if they know that this crazy lifestyle wasn't God's idea.

One of my mentors told me that this busy way of living, which leads people to be stretched thin by choice, is ungodly.

God's way is the only way to live well. Let's think of someone who deeply cared about God's ways: Moses.

Moses wrote Psalm 90, one of the oldest Psalms in the Bible.

The Psalm is described as a prayer. He starts by proclaiming God's eternity. 

Men and women are left with frailty at best.

God is eternal, He is all-powerful and we are not. 

Moses prays that God will teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom. 

So teach us to number our days,

That we may gain a heart of wisdom. 

Psalm 90:12 (NKJV)

The word for "teach", translated from yada, means "to know". The "us" is in italics in some versions of the Bible because it was most likely added by the translators so we can understand the writer better. 

If we go with what the writer wrote, we end up with "know to count our days." For what? That we may "apply" or "enter in" wisdom. Gain is another word that made sense for a lot of translators (and it is a good word). 

For our purposes, let's say that Moses asked God that we may know how to count our days so we can apply our hearts to wisdom. 

Let's be very honest and admit that God will most likely not tell us when we are out of here. He knows the day and the hour we are to die and for the majority of people, He does not reveal when that will be. 

So how in the world will we learn how to count our days?

I believe that's when choices come in the equation. 

God knows my end. He also knows what I should do in the between. 

He can teach me to number my days but I need to seek Godly wisdom to make my days count. God is able to teach me and I need to do my part. 

Here is an example of choices I made that were a waste of "numbering" my days. 

One time, I signed up to lead 5 or 6 different groups at church. 

My thought was: "there is a need and I need to fill it."

Did God give me the gift to lead? Yes. Is God pleased when I am stretched thin? No! 

Could God have told me which group I was supposed to lead? Yes. Did I ask? No. 

I learned that I couldn't do everything. During that time, I also discovered my physical health was deteriorating. I had to press pause in trying to save the world and change my lifestyle. 

I finished my commitment to the 6 groups. I took a break from leadership to take care of my health. Once my blood pressure was no longer high as a kite, I went back to leading one group. 

God is more than able to teach us to count our days. The only way our days will count is if we live them according to God's guidance and plan for our lives. 

Once you know what God wants you to do, you can ask Him to give you wisdom for everyday life. 

I know that right now, God is calling me to be Zeke's wife, the mother of our children, and a professional. 

Can I try to save the world again and sign up to lead 6 different groups in town? Yes. Will I do it? Well, you and I know it won't be wise. 

You have no idea how difficult it is for me to see a leadership need and to just sit quietly. I know there is a season and time for everything. When it is time to lead something outside of what I am currently doing, God will make it plain. 

Because there are opportunities to help everywhere. Here is what I realized:

I cannot do everything. 

I can't donate to every cause. 

I can't sign up for every meal train. 

So I won't. 

The things I choose to do, 

I will do with all my heart. 

I cannot control everything. 

I can't choose when this virus will end. 

I can't make everything go back to normal. 

So I won't. 

The things I can do, 

I will do with all my heart. 

With God's help

I will take care of my health. 

With God's help

I will care for my family. 

With God's help

I will work diligently as a professional. 

With God's help

I will respect my limits. 

With God's help

I will remember to pray.

With God's help

I will learn to number my days.

Only with God's help, 

I will gain a heart of wisdom.

That song from my childhood never left my heart. I am learning it to make it my daily prayer. I invite you to pray with me as we get ready to engage in the business of life:

"Be upon us 

the grace of the Lord 

and establish 

Yes establish

The work of our hands

Amen!" 

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How to Face Frustration

This past week I was extremely frustrated.

I had a difficult time sleeping and I experienced heartburn. I'm not too fond of frustration. The "why" of frustration is not as important as "how" I face frustration. I'm not sure if you have been frustrated lately.
 
If yes, this text is for you. I want to share a few things I learned so we can improve and grow in character. 

1. Discover the root cause of your frustration. Mine was unforgiveness. I battled my frustration for many days. One night, as I struggled to sleep, God reminded me that with forgiveness, comes healing. I had a clear choice to make. I chose to forgive. I immediately forgot that I forgave. I chose forgiveness again and again. Knowing the true source of frustration gives us the power to do something about it. You are not powerless in your frustration my friend. 

2. Stop Apologizing for your hardship. I was struggling to keep up with friends during a run. It was dark. We were socially distant but we didn't want anyone to be too far away. "Cintia, are you okay?" someone asked me. I said, "I'm sorry, I'm just slow today." "Please, don't apologize. You can have a bad run, you know?" My friend proceeded to tell me to stop apologizing for the hardship I was experiencing. Instead, she said, talk about it, pray and grow. Misplaced apologies will not solve frustration. Experiencing our feelings, talking about them and growing are better options. 

3. Buy your own flowers. This was the strangest advice I heard in college. A mentor told me that a woman should buy her own flowers. I was so confused by those words that I failed to listen to her explanation. I finally understood my mentor a few years ago when I decided to buy flowers on a regular basis. Flowers are a visual reminder of unconditional love. When I am frustrated, sad, disappointed, I buy flowers. When my eyes meet the flowers in the middle of a room, my heart is immediately filled with relief. Flowers are unapologetically beautiful. They are only given as a sign of love. Flowers improve any environment. When I buy fresh flowers I am reminded that love is real and someway, my frustration will end. 

If you are not into flowers, choose a beloved item and put it in a place of high traffic. It may be a photo of loved ones. This method helped me thrive in a very toxic work environment in the past. The key is to have a visual reminder that you are loved unconditionally. 

It is easy to point outward as we seek to be free from frustration. When God is involved in the process, He will encourage you to look at your own heart. I'm not saying it is all your fault. I am saying you are only responsible for the condition of your heart. 

God can help you change from the inside out. Only He can provide you with a continual heart feast given by His true love.

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Decluttering Essentials

I moved to a new house recently and I wasn't even around for the move. I know, cue the interesting story. I was out of the country on a mission trip and visiting family. My family decided to move without waiting for e to return. What a great move. The corona virus epidemic was in full swing when I landed back in American soil.

I arrived at a great home. My husband made sure the kids were settled and the kitchen was unpacked. He also made sure I could find my running essentials. Oh, another essential that I quickly found: my coffee pot. Life was good. Except that I was back at work full-time and the kids were out of school.

What to do? Get angry and break the stuff that did not break during the move? Heavens no. I decided instead to grab my decluttering essentials. These five tools have helped me get organized over and over again. I'm sure you want to know what they are. 

Music or Podcast • I always declutter better when I am listening to good music or an interesting podcast. I believe these audio cues help me think less about the mess around me and focus on something else. I also believe that if I save a certain podcast only for decluttering times, I get back to that project over and over again - until I'm finished that is.

Cleaning Supplies • I often need some type of cleaning supply when I'm decluttering. I gather whatever I think I will need ahead of time. Having all the supplies next to me cuts down on distraction. Because I don't have to walk back and forth to get the supplies I can actually spend all my designated time decluttering.

Trash bags • It is inevitable that I fill have to throw things away when I am decluttering. I decided to have a few trash bags at hand just in case. Some bags double as recycling bags. The goal is not to keep all of the reasons why my space is disorganized. I created the habit of immediately going to the trash can outside of the house and getting rid of what I don't need.

Donation box • I developed the habit of having a donation box in the same space I am decluttering. I try not to think deeply about what needs to be donated. I haven't repented yet of making a donation. If it's still good enough to be reused and if it can be a blessing to someone else, I let it be. The only time donating hurts is when the item was not used properly. I have a few things that should have stayed in the store. Personally, this type of pain of regret is the only one I feel when separating things for donation. Much like the trash, the donation box goes immediately to the back of my car. My car goes quickly to the donation spot as soon as I can.

Timer • I start my decluttering process by setting my countdown timer for 45 minutes. I have learned over the year that 45 is a great number for me. It is not too little or too much. I can get a respectable amount of work done in 45 minutes. The 15 remaining minutes are all mine. I can use them however I want. I can browse my favorite social network. I can have a cup of tea. I can write a quick blog post. Those minutes are a reward for the focused work I did. Setting a timer also gives me the mental encouragement that there is an end time to that hard work. I even use it with the kids and they enjoy it.

I still have a lot of work to do in our newly moved home. Things slowly get in place as I use these five essential decluttering tools to keep my home organized.

P.S.: I recomend my own Podcast if you want to listen to something while you are cleaning. 

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How to Balance Everything

Show notes:

• How to balance everything? Choices

• Harbor Conference

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Moving Mindset

For some reason, when my life is about to change in a big way, medical professionals ask me the question: "how do we feel about this?" A nurse asked me this when I confirmed that I was expecting my first baby. Recently, a doctor friend asked us the same question when we told him we were moving.

How do I feel? It depends of the time of day. I know that feelings follow mindset. Focusing on my mindset is very smart.

There is an abundance of moving advice related to the material world. There isn't a lot of advice when it comes to mindset. Everyone agrees moving is difficult, then we start talking about the inconvenience of boxing our stuff. We soon forget about your mindset and the wide range of feelings we feel.

I learned a long time ago to "feel my feelings." I also learned that it is wise to choose my mindset when it comes to moving.

Believe it or not, we can make the entire experience of moving worse because of our mindset. I choose to have a positive mindset because God is very positive about my move. With that in mind, I went back to an anchor verse we used 8 years ago when we came to TX:

“For you shall go out with joy, And be led out with peace; The mountains and the hills Shall break forth into singing before you, And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.” Isaiah‬ ‭55:12‬ 

If you want to make moving easier, carefully choose your mindset. How do you do that?

1 • choose an anchor verse. It is wise to ask yourself, "how does God feel about this?" or "Who is God for me in this situation?"
2 • choose words to describe your specific mindset. My words are  "joyful" and "peaceful."
3 • feel your feelings. It is just healthy to feel your feelings. I've been doing that throughout this entire transition. I also have a few friends who have been extremely supportive by listening to me, talking through my stuff and actually allowing me to cry when needed.

I know that moving and transitions are not easy. The good thing is that I can choose my mindset. I can be positive about the new thing God is bringing to pass. I can also feel my feelings.

More posts in this series:

• Moving to Texas in 2011
• Hope during transition
• Isolation
• Making Friends and Singing (video)
• How my roots grew deeper
• Unintentional Church Hopper
• Transition and the dorm room
• Transitioning from stay-at-home mom to working mom
• Moving to Longview 2019

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Going Natural: Confidence and Peace

I decided not to blog  about my hair when I did the big chop 4 years ago. 

Everyone was talking about going natural, so I decided to live in in my side of the world. 

It was tough to have people stare at my head. It was quite the change! I looked like the Chia Pet but my hair kept growing. 

The reason why I went natural, was because my kids were starting not to like their own hair. I decided to show them that there was nothing wrong with it.

Going natural  has been a money saver. That was until I started getting gray hair but I don’t yet require much hair dye. 

Going natural made life easier, even in the winter. I can truly "wash and go." I hardly ever go to the beauty shop so I’m keeping all of that money in my pocket. I think that the last time I went to a beauty show was 4 years ago to get the permed hair trimmed. I don’t even think I braided my hair these past 4 years. I am truly working with what I have friends. 

Sometimes people ask which products I use daily. I use Argan oil and Cantu Butter products. 

I can’t quantify my kids’ satisfaction with their hair these past 4 years. What I can do is to be happy with my own. Nothing speaks louder than confidence and peace.

This going natural thing was a great experiment in going a different direction than the culture. It is possible to do it. You may get a bunch of stares at first but you'll be just fine. Confidence and peace are the results I now enjoy. 

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5 Money Saving Habits

Most people would like to have more money. I find that if I can save more, I’ll automatically have more income. I have developed several habits that help me stretch my income without compromising the quality of my lifestyle. My objective is to be a good steward of the income God has entrusted to my family. Here are five habits that have helped me:

• Eating in - Buying food on the way home is so tempting. I have decided to count to cost so I can convince myself that eating in is efficient. How do I do that? I look at the price of different foods and I calculate how much it’d take me to make the same dish. I’m telling you: it is effective to learn how to cook the dishes we like. There’s also the internet for rare ingredients as well as local ethnic stores for spices. Eating at home has a positive effect on my health as well. How so? I know exactly which ingredients are in my dishes. I also enjoy sharing the joy of cooking with my husband who is excellent at it. I often tell him ‘I don’t know why we go out, you cook better than most restaurants we go to!’

• Car Cleaning - this one is also up for debate but it works for me. I went to the dollar store and bought a few car cleaning supplies. The first time I cleaned my car I timed myself. It doesn't take that long, and I successfully convinced myself of this money saving habit. I believe I’ve saved close to $400 dollars in the past 4 months by being the car wash. I also burned $1,632 calories by washing my car. It’s been hot outside so it does feel like cardio!

• Starting Cheap - when I shop for groceries or for a party, I start at the cheapest store, then I proceed to the most expensive grocery store. I often start at Aldi then I move on to a traditional grocery store. I save a lot at Aldi but there are a few items such as organic rice that I can’t find there. Recently, while planning my daughter’s birthday party, I started at a dollar store (King Dollar) then I went to a more expensive place like Party City. The savings were incredible! If you have a neck for DIY and Pinterest is your friend, start cheap when it comes to your shopping. It only means more money in your pocket!

• Recycling clothes - I know this is not for everyone but it has worked wonders for me. Take my latest jeans purchase for example. I went to a second-hand store and I saw some this cute pair of jeans. I bought them for $6. Apparently, they sell for an average of $200! I do not look for brand name stuff, I stick with quality, color and the way an outfit makes me look. I wouldn’t have spent $200 in jeans but knowing that I can find quality clothes for a good price is wonderful. The other day I went to a different second-hand store and my friend told me certain items were on sale for $1. I scored a cute jacket and I wore it to a speaking engagement. I also have friends who have clothe exchange parties and I try to be a part of it when I can. Again, this is not for everyone but honey, it works for this woman.

• Free Fun - for every kid activity out there is a free or cheaper option. When my son turned one, a friend of our family made balloon animals for a donation at his party. There are free summer camps for kids. I know that my readers who live in smaller towns are thinking “I wish this was available where I live!” You have to remember that you can make it happen. Getting together with two other friends and using your strengths is the same thing as offering summer camp. We just have to work together. The public library has wonderful, free of charge, educational programs. There are free splash pads out there as well as rivers and parks. I am thankful that a wonderful childhood doesn’t require a fat hedge fund. It requires love and a bit of creativity from all parties involved.

These are a few of my money saving habits. How are you saving money these days?

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Why Declutter? To save Time, Money and Stress

Hello! It's me! Your favorite Christmas countdown! Just kidding. I wanted to give you an update on my plans not to be surprised by the holidays.

To be honest with you, I have more time to dedicate to my home this year than last year when I was working outside of the home. Either way, all of us have the same amount of time (24 hours in a day) and the challenge is to use it wisely. Let's talk strategy. 

I work very well with lists. I have a mental list of what I need to accomplish within 75 days. The goal is not be stressed by last minute prep so that I can enjoy the season with my family. Every day I work on one or two items on my list. I still use my faithful 45-minute solution (read about it here) and so far I've organized my closet and the kids' toys using this method. My kitchen is next on the list.

Christmas 2014.

Let's proceed with the big why. Why should you get organized within the next 75 days? Simply because organization saves Time, Money and Stress.

Time - yesterday I spent some time doing the "Big Listenbee Closet Overhaul" which included the kids' toys and my closet. The results? When Christmas comes, we will not be overwhelmed with extra toys. Because I completed this project, there's actually room for more (yes, I've been donating toys and clothes all year). The time I spent working in my closet saves me time because I know exactly what I have and what I need. I also had help from a Fashion Designer (see Sophia Adodo) who helped me rethink my fashion options. I still have a few sessions with her but the first one was really productive.

Money - We have a tendency to buy things we already have because we don't know where they are. Because I'm organized, I don't have to spend money on stuff I already have. The problem with clutter is that it hides the things you actually like. It may seem like it's a lot of work to declutter but living clutter-free saves you a lot of money.

Stress - I know the holiday season brings out extra stress anyway so clutter will not be a source of extra stress this year. Being prepared with organized spaces allows me to feel more at peace. One of my upcoming organization projects includes putting all my holiday recipes in one place. I also plan on finding my address book and having it ready to go so I can mail our Christmas letter. Being stressed is no fun so if I can prevent it, I will! A good exercise is to identify your greatest source of stress during the holiday and make an effort to prevent that this year. If it's people related, come back to the blog because I have a few posts about it.

I hope you are inspired to get a list of projects together that will make your life easier come Christmas week. If you feel overwhelmed, reach out for help. I am sure that if you reach out to a friend, they will come to your rescue and make those 45-minute sessions feel like 10 minutes. It's important to let pride go and accept the help that's available to you. I have actually paid people to help me declutter and it was a very smart choice.

Have a blessed and productive day friends! 

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Goals: 32 Weeks in 2016

I just completed 42 weeks of my adventure as a preschool music teacher. I am thankful to God for what's ahead. While I have learned a lot from the past, one thing is for sure: there is nothing I can do about it. Yesterday is gone and all I have is what God has given me in the gift of today. 

You and I have great possibilities contained in the next 32 weeks. What will you do with it? I have a pretty great idea of what I can do. 

• Family - Camp Listenbee will be in session for the summer again. I am planning an epic time with the kids. The goal is to experience new things without being over committed and exhausted. I'm looking forward to a happy summer filled with fun memories. I also plan on spending some major time with my husband. I've been married to him for 10 years but somehow, I can't get enough of him. 

• Health - I scheduled my annual exams and I have been working closely with my family doctor. I see her every 3 months because of the high blood pressure meds I have been on since 2007. The last time I was there I told her I am working on losing weight and she gave me some great advice. My goal is to be fit for my Fall and Winter races. Now is the time to do the hard work and I will continue to benefit throughout the year. 

• Fitness - I am reading "Run Less Run Fast" with my running buddies. I like the book and I plan on starting that training plan soon. My next race (Rock'n'Roll San Jose Half) is in October, so my fitness goal is to PR as well as a have a lovely time in California with my dear friend and her family. Right after that we crank up the Chevron Houston Marathon Training. My heart is to train with purpose for Houston and finally, finally run a dreamy race that shows in the numbers. 

• Business - I am open and eager to pursue new business opportunities this year. I've been praying and working on new projects and I'm excited about the places God is taking me. 

• Faith - There is something about faith that is not quantitative. God is all about relationship, so I'm happy about that. I am planning on continuing to read my Bible in One Year. I'm late but I am persisting and reading daily. I am also embarking on a new area where I have the honor of co-teaching Colossians with a dear mentor and a faithful sister in Christ. The study is called "Walk this Way" and you can listen to it this summer at www.MerryMinistries.com If you are a local friend, I expect you there. If not, do listen online. I will be studying and praying more than usual this summer as we embark in this amazing journey through God's word with the help of the Holy Spirit. 

I wonder if you have considered the fact that this is a good time to focus on your goals. January is gone but God is a present help today and He loves you for who you are, just where you are. 

Look for updates on these goals a few times this year and I will count on your prayers and encouragement, deal? 

Have an amazing day! 

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3 things Difficult People do NOT Know

We all know people who are difficult. Some of us have nightmares about having to interact with them daily. I have learned that it is impossible to avoid them all together while living on earth. The key is to make the best out of the situation and get Godly wisdom from it. Today I want to share 3 things difficult people do not know.

Difficult People do not know They are being Difficult

Her tone of voice was always the same: rasped and abrupt. She did not consider the fact that I had many responsibilities in life. Her goal was to entice me to do it her way. The more I observed this difficult person, I learned that this was a way of life for her and she was not going to change. I decided to do all the changing myself: I changed the places I went so I did not see her. I blocked her phone number. I trembled at the thought of any interaction. While hiding from her one morning, I heard God’s still small voice telling me “Avoiding people is not like Me.” I was convicted of my ways. I decided to keep her phone number blocked and I stopped hiding. I prayed and asked God to give me strength to face a difficult person who did not know she was being difficult. Our next interaction was unavoidable: I was no longer in hiding. I had supernatural grace to speak to her and to politely turn down any of her attempts to rule my life and schedule. I was at awe of God’s ways as she walked away, oblivious still of her difficult personality. There are Godly ways of dealing with difficult people and the highest of these is love.

Difficult people do not know They are Loved

The exchange with God during my hiding episode taught me that God’s love really is encompassing. He loves difficult people. He loves easy people. He died for everyone. He does not discriminate and I am so glad because I believe I can be a difficult person at times. God calls me to love people who are difficult, He did not call me to avoid them. I do believe in boundaries (thus the phone block). I also believe that God means “love one another” when He said it a long time ago. I have since been prayerful about the right way to love difficult people. I often seek Godly wisdom in the subject. I pray about how God would want me to love a difficult person. Sometimes I give them a gift. All the time I treat them well, as God would treat them Himself. All of this is not to cross a check mark but so that I can be like my loving Heavenly Father, who has a master plan for me disguised in every difficult situation.   

Difficult people do not know They are an Instrument to Character Promotion 

The distinctive traits that form our character are developed through tough situations. I believe that when I treat a Difficult person as God would, I become more like Christ. I have gained Compassion, Patience and Resilience through my interaction with difficult people. They have greatly contributed to my devotional life: I am driven to my knees asking God to please give me Grace to represent Him well as I live my life in the presence of difficult people. The only way I can display the joy of the Lord when dealing with a Difficult person is because I have spent time reading the Bible, praying for the person’s well being, forgiving them (without making a big deal about it TO them) and praying that God will rain down blessings from heaven in their lives. Every time I open my Bible I am faced with God’s character towards difficult people and I am given the choice to obey what I read.

I don’t know if you are having ulcers at the thought of dealing with that difficult person again. Take it from me my friend: God loves you both and He can help you through this challenging situation. You’ll get a character promotion at the end if you follow God’s way of loving Difficult People.

Thought of the Day: How can I pray for a difficult person in my life?

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