10 (free) gifts to give a new family in town

10 (free) gifts to give a new family in town

I've moved to 4 states, both as a single and married woman. While there is a monetary side to moving, I learned that the things money can't buy can be as valuable if not more. Here are the gifts you can give a new family (or person) in your community.

1 • Information • Moving is stressful for many reasons. The lack of knowing where to go to get things done is difficult. Most people don't blindly move somewhere. They do their research online. The moment you arrive in town, there is an immense information gap between locals and newcomers. Asking, "What do you need to know?" is a good way to start. I remember asking multiple questions about schools. I asked for service recommendations, among other things. Information is power and freedom when you are new in town.  

2 • Empathy • You don't have to understand to empathize. Empathy is a gift because you get to affirm the person where she is, as she is. Moving an entire life is difficult, and it is elating. It is stressful and depending on where you come from, it may be easy to do. Empathy does not judge or ask questions, but it stands firm in solidarity.

3 • A listening ear • I walked across the street during move number three, and I met an older woman who was a good listener. She asked me a simple question that unleashed a lot of what was trapped in my heart. She listened and she shook her head. She said, "It sounds like you are having a tough time." She didn't try to fix my problem. She gave me the rare gift of a listening ear. I saw many other people during that time. I experienced listening was channeled toward making a judgment. Some had a need to put me in a box. Listening can be a gift when the hearer listens without condemnation. I believe you don't have to understand to listen well. The gift of listening surfaces when we give attention to matters of the heart.

4 • Encouragement • Inserting courage into someone's life is one of the best gifts we can give. We can do it with words. We can do it by believing in them. Newcomers need a lot of encouragement because moving is not the end of the story. They need to make a life in this new place. They will face obstacles and challenges. Encouragement is like water in a parched land. You and I can offer it daily with our words.  

5 • Access to your friend group • If you consider the surrounding culture, this may be the most difficult thing to give. Some of us worked hard and long to build a friend group. How in the world are we supposed to give access to a new person? What if they mess up our perfect mix of people? If we consider life God's way, we will freely give newcomers access to our friend group. How so? God is generous. There is nothing stingy about the God of the Bible. He is also a giver. I believe I should be the same way. Giving newcomers access to our friend group can be as simple as introducing the new person to the best people we know. Introducing people is a joy. I know that if I work on my trust issues and I don't judge the new person through my past friendship hurts, I can see some awesome connections starting.

6 • Invitation to groups of interest • People arrive in town with a resume of groups of interest. As you listen, recommend local groups they can join. Joining groups can be a great way to feel connected to the community.

7 • Occasional check-ups • Feeling forgotten is one of the worst parts of moving. Checking on the newcomer and their family, fosters hope that the transition to the new community will pass. Checking on people can be quick yet beneficial. Realizing someone is thinking about you is a blessing.

8 • Room to Belong • The worst places to live are communities where you are legally allowed to be there but you can't belong. The simplest way to make room to belong is verbally telling people they are wanted and needed. I was at the end of a long run and a founding member of my running group enthusiastically told me, "I am so glad you are here! We need you! We need your ideas. We want this organization to grow and we need you to be an active part of it." I was happily surprised. This organization meant what they said. They literally made room for me to belong as a leader. In contrast, I've been part of groups where you are told in word and deed that you do not belong. There is always something wrong with the way you do things, along with the way you are. In that case, I was not trying to lead, I was just trying to be part of the group. Thankfully, I found room to belong with a smaller group of friends. Their gift of friendship, presence, and encouragement showed me that there was room in their hearts for me to be myself. I invite you to consider the ways you personally make room for new people to belong.

9 • Prayers • God hears and answers prayers. I find it imperative to pray for newcomers. I also let them know I am praying for them.

10 • Service • Newcomers may not need you to build a deck with them but it doesn't hurt to check how we can serve. Some want someone to talk to. I once needed a friend to hold my baby while I took a quick shower. 11 years later, I am still grateful for that act of service. Please remember that some won't tell you what they need unless you ask.

I pray that these gifts unleash increasing generosity and compassion towards hundreds of people who move to your community every month. 

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Making a Hometown your Own

One year ago, our family visited East Texas for the first time. We were in the middle of living life. Theater camp, marathon group coaching, and work was part of the routine. We took a step of faith and God met us where we were.

Here we are, living in this new hometown for 10 entire months. One of my dear friends asked me what makes a hometown my own. I thought that was a great question. The answer always will be: people.

My people - My first instinct as a mother is to be sure my nest is settled, warm, and inviting. I put a lot of thought and effort into making my house into a home. I believe that's the number one way we make a hometown our own. Once the family is okay, I move on to meet new people. 

New People - I've written extensively about meeting new people. Our experience it's been interesting. When we come to a new hometown, we already have a church family. It does not mean we are friends with everyone there. It means we work there. It takes time to get to know people. Working at a church means you have a place to worship, work and a bunch of people to get to know. The theory I developed over 15 years leads me to think that I need to meet people in the community also. 

Community People - I love getting to know people in the community. Before I moved, I was one of the neighborhood reps. I loved getting to know my neighbors and organizing community events for families. I love getting connected with the public library. The kids and I always participate in events and we check out books and other resources often. Before moving to East Texas I found a running group. I actually found the group before I found a house. I know, priorities. People are important to me. 

Here's the question: with COVID and all, have you connected with people Cintia?

I certainly have tried. I just heard about research on concentric circles of friendship where it takes 50 hours to go from acquaintances to casual friends and 90 hours to go to the good friend category. 

I will elaborate on these hours on a later post because they made me think about so many acquaintances I thought of as good friends. My experience dictates that for some friends, the number of hours are irrelevant. 

I believe I made a good friend here. This person is not afraid of me. She welcomed me into her life. She listens to me and we've been able to speak the truth to each other. I am still getting to know this person and vice-versa. I am choosing to believe that we will be good friends. I'm committed to this friendship and I can only pray I will be a blessing. 

I counted the hours I've spent with this good friend. So far,  we spent 117 hours together. Outside of the hours, there have been words said, prayers prayed and mutual understanding established. I'm grateful.

In the past, I made good friends without meeting the 50 to 90-hour goal. We understood we were for each other. Our hearts connected and we were committed to the friendship. 

How do I make a hometown my own?  I focus on people because the right ones make any place sweet.

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Back in the Counselor's Office

“Cintia, I haven’t seen you in a long time.”
“I know, I think it’s been two or three years.”

I proceed to tell my Christian counselor everything I’ve been up to.
Time stops for a little while and I have a chance to rethink where I am based on where I came from.

If you are a long time reader, you know that I am not shy in saying that I get Christian counseling when I need it. I try to go often unless I don’t have insurance - which happened last summer. In that case, God provided me with all the support I needed to get through that tough season of joblessness.

The day I went back to the counselor’s office I got there too early. I had one hour to invest, so I invested in myself. I sat in a small coffee shop and I drank pu’er tea. I edited photos from earlier in the day, guilt-free. No one needed my attention and I could do whatever I pleased. I wasn’t nervous about the session, I was just ready to get there.

After a while, I got up and drove back to the counselor’s office. I noticed the people sitting in the waiting area. I’ve done this long enough to know there are a multitude of emotions going on in that room. I admire everyone’s bravery for showing up. Sometimes, making those appointments and keeping them is hard to do. There we were, ready to see the counselor.

My name is called so it is my turn.
She is still in the same room. That feeling of peace is still there and her decoration seems familiar.

After I tell her everything I’m up to, I make an effort to listen with my heart.
I used to take notes. This time, I told myself that my heart and mind would remind me of what’s really important. I took mental notes and I told myself I’d transfer them to paper at some point.

I used to have a laundry list of issues for the counselor to hear. This time, I let the Spirit of God take the lead. I decided I’d hear what He wanted me to hear and I’d say what felt most natural. I very much enjoy this rhythm. I might keep it doing things this way.

I realize that I’ve been through a lot and it is okay to feel my feelings. I am amazed that God was present and He still wants to heal me. I’m thankful for His love and His plan for my ordinary life.

Friend, I don’t know if you are a person who goes to Christian counselors’ offices. I wanted to share my experience in hopes that you see that it is normal and helpful to go. The simple act of taking time to talk to someone about my life has given me the opportunity to live a healthier inner life.

My stress level went down after my visit. I also was able to find healing from some hurts I experienced 20 years ago. I had no idea the hurt was still there. Thank God He cares.

Christ makes it all possible. I hope you will consider letting Him heal your inner being.

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NaBloPoMo: A Cup of Kindness

People have a tendency of being more kind around the holidays. The challenge is to keep that good habit going throughout the year, especially when we think that people don't deserve our kindness. I am often confronted with the choice to offer A Cup of Kindness to others. In the past I have offered a piece of my (rude) mind, my (distorted) truth and the results were never good. As I grow in Christ, I am aware that I need to be spiritually minded (Romans 8:6) when dealing with others. In addition to that, Colossians 3:12 says: 

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."

If I am clothed with kindness, it shouldn't be that much of a stretch to offer it to others. 

I am familiar with the "I ain't perfect" argument because I have often used it. I am even more familiar with the truth offered in Galatians 5:22-23:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

A spiritually minded person who is clothed with the right things easily displays the fruit of the Spirit. 

Dear reader, what stops you from easily offering A Cup of Kindness to others? Is it anger? My problem this morning was unforgiveness. As I forgave the offense, I was able to offer kindness with much more ease!

There is a big difference in being kind because it's the popular thing to do during the holidays and habitually offering A Cup of Kindness to others. 

Can you think of someone in your life that needs a cup of Kindness? I pray that God will reveal to you the root issue that stops you from being kind to that person. I challenge you to offer A Cup of Kindness to others throughout the year. Trust me, I'll do the same. 

What is this?

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The Root Cause for Weight Gain

“We’ve come a long way” is the title of a song a lady used to sing in my previous church. This title can describe my health journey. Thank God we’ve come a long way and we are more than conquerors!
This lovely weekend I took the time to look at the binder where I keep all of my articles, worksheets and other things I used on my weight management class and visits with a health educator.
It seems that a year ago I had problems eating a variety of foods and vegetables. I’m glad to announce this is not a problem anymore. By writing down a menu for the week as well as being drawn into different fruits and vegetables in the store, we have cut this problem down.
I also saw that I had tons of problems with stress. The Lord has blessed me with more knowledge as well as experience in this area that may affect life. Christians are to pursue peace, seek after it. I thought it was something that fell from the sky. Either I reduce or totally eliminate stress in healthy ways. Glory be to God for this lesson.
I’ve learned a lot. Most of the focus this past year is not on food. I think that was actually what hurt be in my 10 attempts to lose weight. Too much focus on food. When I have relationship problems I tend to walk to the kitchen. One time I stopped myself and said ‘what are you doing? You’re not even hungry!’ does this work every time? No. But thank God the awareness that food is not the solution is there.
I am aware that there is a danger in keeping total focus on food or exercise only. Stress may be the root cause for weight gain (I’ve written about developing a healthy root system here). Anxiety may be the cause for weight gain. Health problems may cause it. The holiday season gets blamed a lot for weight gain. Let me challenge you with the following: sometimes we try to eat our way out of boredom, awkwardness or avoidance when surrounded by family memories and old memories of the past.
An inanimate food (we hope the turkey will be completely dead on Thanksgiving LOL) does not call your name saying “Cintia! Eat me baby! You know you want my delicious thigh!” We are the ones drawn to illicit amounts of apple pie because the high given by sugar is supposed to numb the pain of rejection, not feeling accepted, not feeling supported or loved.
Stop accepting the lie and seek the truth. I had to seek the Truth and Jesus set me free. I didn’t like myself. I ate through anxiety, uncertainty, stress and you name it. My late night visits to Arby’s did help me gain the pounds but the root cause for weight gain wasn’t their grilled chicken combo with jalapeno poppers and sweet tea.
I’ve come a long way. God has held my hand and brought me this far by faith. I’m not the same person. God changed my mind first and it took at least 2 years for this to happen. It wasn’t until last year, after my mind was renewed to love the God kind of love that I was able to start my physical transformation.
It started on the mind. I no longer look in the mirror and see a fat woman. I see the righteousness of God in Christ, I see a beloved, beautiful daughter of God who has a purpose and an awesome destiny looking back at me.
It’s not all about food or a number of pounds. I’ve come a long way, leaning on the Lord because He is my source. I want to challenge you to pray for revelation of your root cause for weight gain.
Remember that God is ready to bring change in your life because He loves you for who you are.

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Root Systems

I’ve been reading Joyce Meyer’s book “I dare you – Embracing Life with Passion.” Last Saturday I read a chapter on finances but I found out that I can relate those principles with weight loss. I have four things I’d like to highlight for your consideration.

“God’s favor is a wonderful thing available to us. The Bible says in James 4:2 we have not because we ask not. There is a great deal of help available to us from God we never receive, simply because we do not ask.”

Did you know God’s favor is higher and better than relying on your metabolism? Browsing through blogs I often hear the excuse “I have a slow metabolism.” God, our Creator is able to give you favor in a way where He can tell you how to eat, when to eat and which foods are better for the metabolism He created. God can give you favor with the weight loss you need, all you have to do is ASK.

“God’s way is normally that people should increase, little by little, as they follow the principles in His Word. I call it ‘the law of gradualism.’”

Change is gradual. Many sensible and wise health professionals suggest that you lose weight gradually instead of losing everything you need in a month. I believe that when we get things in life gradually we can better enjoy them. There’s an increased sense of appreciation for the met goal. When it comes to weight loss you can get used to your new body better as well.

“Wanting to obey God, we began to give more and more, and for a while it seemed we had less and less. God often tests us to see if we are obeying Him just to get something from Him, or if it is because we love Him and are committed to doing what is right just because we love righteousness.”

Joyce is talking about tithing in this particular passage of the book. I believe that when you’re working on losing weight you are also tested. Some might agree that we are tested every day while we do what’s right for us. I believe God is a loving and giving God. In our living we need to focus on Him and not in a formula to lose weight. We need to focus on having a closer relationship with God instead of having a closer relationship with the food pyramid.

“If a tree has more fruit than roots, it will topple over in the first storm it encounters. I believe human nature is much the same way. If we have a lot of material things and no depth of relationship with God, we can easily be destroyed.”

I couldn’t get this passage out of my mind all weekend. I’ve lost weight rapidly before and I toppled over when I encountered my first storm. I had no roots but now I want my roots to be strong. This is what I learned about roots in plants:

“Roots are opportunistic -- they do not grow in any particular direction. Root growth flourishes in soils that supply adequate oxygen, water, nutrients, support and warmth. Roots will not grow in soil that lacks adequate oxygen or is hard and compacted. A healthy root system is essential for optimum top growth. The large, woody roots anchor the plant and conduct water and nutrients from the fine feeder roots to the stem.” More here

I wonder if I have what it takes to have a healthy root system. I need to think about my soil. Is it healthy or does it need more water? Humans sometimes are more interested in fruits than in developing a strong root. I think that get slim quick schemes are fruit only oriented. We grow better when we do things the right way in the time ordained by God. It takes patience to lose weight in a healthy way. A healthy root will most likely produce healthy food with healthy seed.

This leads me to the next question: what are you going to do with your fruit (weight loss)?

To be continued…

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