10 (free) gifts to give a new family in town

10 (free) gifts to give a new family in town

I've moved to 4 states, both as a single and married woman. While there is a monetary side to moving, I learned that the things money can't buy can be as valuable if not more. Here are the gifts you can give a new family (or person) in your community.

1 • Information • Moving is stressful for many reasons. The lack of knowing where to go to get things done is difficult. Most people don't blindly move somewhere. They do their research online. The moment you arrive in town, there is an immense information gap between locals and newcomers. Asking, "What do you need to know?" is a good way to start. I remember asking multiple questions about schools. I asked for service recommendations, among other things. Information is power and freedom when you are new in town.  

2 • Empathy • You don't have to understand to empathize. Empathy is a gift because you get to affirm the person where she is, as she is. Moving an entire life is difficult, and it is elating. It is stressful and depending on where you come from, it may be easy to do. Empathy does not judge or ask questions, but it stands firm in solidarity.

3 • A listening ear • I walked across the street during move number three, and I met an older woman who was a good listener. She asked me a simple question that unleashed a lot of what was trapped in my heart. She listened and she shook her head. She said, "It sounds like you are having a tough time." She didn't try to fix my problem. She gave me the rare gift of a listening ear. I saw many other people during that time. I experienced listening was channeled toward making a judgment. Some had a need to put me in a box. Listening can be a gift when the hearer listens without condemnation. I believe you don't have to understand to listen well. The gift of listening surfaces when we give attention to matters of the heart.

4 • Encouragement • Inserting courage into someone's life is one of the best gifts we can give. We can do it with words. We can do it by believing in them. Newcomers need a lot of encouragement because moving is not the end of the story. They need to make a life in this new place. They will face obstacles and challenges. Encouragement is like water in a parched land. You and I can offer it daily with our words.  

5 • Access to your friend group • If you consider the surrounding culture, this may be the most difficult thing to give. Some of us worked hard and long to build a friend group. How in the world are we supposed to give access to a new person? What if they mess up our perfect mix of people? If we consider life God's way, we will freely give newcomers access to our friend group. How so? God is generous. There is nothing stingy about the God of the Bible. He is also a giver. I believe I should be the same way. Giving newcomers access to our friend group can be as simple as introducing the new person to the best people we know. Introducing people is a joy. I know that if I work on my trust issues and I don't judge the new person through my past friendship hurts, I can see some awesome connections starting.

6 • Invitation to groups of interest • People arrive in town with a resume of groups of interest. As you listen, recommend local groups they can join. Joining groups can be a great way to feel connected to the community.

7 • Occasional check-ups • Feeling forgotten is one of the worst parts of moving. Checking on the newcomer and their family, fosters hope that the transition to the new community will pass. Checking on people can be quick yet beneficial. Realizing someone is thinking about you is a blessing.

8 • Room to Belong • The worst places to live are communities where you are legally allowed to be there but you can't belong. The simplest way to make room to belong is verbally telling people they are wanted and needed. I was at the end of a long run and a founding member of my running group enthusiastically told me, "I am so glad you are here! We need you! We need your ideas. We want this organization to grow and we need you to be an active part of it." I was happily surprised. This organization meant what they said. They literally made room for me to belong as a leader. In contrast, I've been part of groups where you are told in word and deed that you do not belong. There is always something wrong with the way you do things, along with the way you are. In that case, I was not trying to lead, I was just trying to be part of the group. Thankfully, I found room to belong with a smaller group of friends. Their gift of friendship, presence, and encouragement showed me that there was room in their hearts for me to be myself. I invite you to consider the ways you personally make room for new people to belong.

9 • Prayers • God hears and answers prayers. I find it imperative to pray for newcomers. I also let them know I am praying for them.

10 • Service • Newcomers may not need you to build a deck with them but it doesn't hurt to check how we can serve. Some want someone to talk to. I once needed a friend to hold my baby while I took a quick shower. 11 years later, I am still grateful for that act of service. Please remember that some won't tell you what they need unless you ask.

I pray that these gifts unleash increasing generosity and compassion towards hundreds of people who move to your community every month.