Friendships
I wrote a lot of friendships in the past to make sense of what I was navigating. I never doubted my own ability to be someone's friend. Friendships in America have always been challenging because I am from a different culture. Still, I was determined to create and maintain a group of friends.
Some of my struggles had to do with the reciprocal nature of friendship. I would see someone as a friend who saw me as "charity." Being Black, foreign-born, not living in the same neighborhood, and going to the same church made it impossible for some to see me as anything more than charity. This was before 2020 when everyone decided they really should consider their prejudice, although we tried to warn them.
2020 was a bad year for many reasons. People who decided to let go of my friendship suddenly felt the urge to call, text, and message me on social media. I felt like a trash can. People would vomit everything on their minds about racism. I did hear some things that were of worth. I heard stories of generational racism that was passed to them. I'm no priest so I couldn't absolve them of their guilt. Just like they reappeared, they disappeared never to be seen or heard. There was little desire to walk the walk and conduct true change. This is a personal decision and I know only an individual can decide to change their ways.
Thank God for 2020. I thought it was awful to feel like a trash can but at least those women decided to articulate what I felt for years.
Before observing, reflecting, and the faithful witness of years, it is challenging to make a correct judgment about most friendships in America. While I met some people who right away let me know how they felt about me, you can't always tell. Sometimes you have to wait and observe. If the friendship is not at all reciprocal, it is one-sided and toxic. Most could not be recovered because only one person was interested in conducting a God-honoring friendship.
I've always been okay with conflict in friendships. If both people agree to work through it, the friendships rise stronger than before. I'm grateful for those who decided to walk with me through ups, downs and imperfections that led us both to a better place.
I learned that sometimes, it is okay to allow frienships to grow slowly. I appreciate the friends I have from childhood and teenager years. Their presence in my life reminds me that I am a good friend, I am accepted for who I am and God created the frienship we share.
My hope is to live frienships as God created. To cherish someone as the person God created. I hope to be a friend who loves at all times and who can be counted on to become family in times of trouble. I want to be the friend you can lean on for good, bad and ordinary days.
I do not want the hurts of the past to define what kind of friend I will be. I want to learn from a hurtful past but not lean on it. I want to lean on God's brilliance. He created friendship and I want to practice it His way.
Old Frustration
You can't help someone who does not want your help. I find myself with open arms, with resources, with time always ready to help a person. Over and over, I see the person does not want to be helped. I do feel rejected. The hilarious thing is when that same person does not see what is happening. While I find this frustrating, I realize my children are watching me. I tell them to love, serve, and do as Christ would want us to while respecting the person's boundaries. You really can't help someone who does not want your help. I am learning to pray for a heart that does not get offended or paralyzed by rejection but it is free to serve others.
Previously in this series:
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